yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
