I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
