It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
