your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
