Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
