I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize