Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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