that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
