Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
