Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
