I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize