next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
