Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
