wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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