My liver just broke up with me...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
