you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
