there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
