I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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