You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
