Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
