he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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