Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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