i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish life had little blips of pornography
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
