I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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