Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
