her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
