Your face is a jimmy john
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize