I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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