This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
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Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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