Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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