I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
