I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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