In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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