Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
