Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
