We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
There's even glitter on my cock...
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