theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
