I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
