Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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