you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
