Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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