Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
