Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
