Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
