I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
