I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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