I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
