Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
