just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
