Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
