matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
