And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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