stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
