so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
