Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
