I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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