dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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