You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
