Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
