what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
