he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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